


Lucidity

by Luxwinggo



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this at 5am, M/M, Memory Loss, death mention, who here loves them some fluffy fluffy goodness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 17:52:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14313999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luxwinggo/pseuds/Luxwinggo
Summary: His entire identity was one word. It encompassed him. He would hear her say his name and he knew that was what he was. In a way, it grounded him. Her voice echoing his name was proof that he was real and that he existed.It was all he had. Just his name. And Lucretia.A character study of Davenport that turns into fluff.





	Lucidity

 

 

 

He couldn't remember meeting her.

He couldn't remember even existing before meeting.

He couldn't remember things like his birthday, his family, where he was raised...he couldn't remember anything about himself.

All he had was a name.

“Davenport!”

His entire identity was one word. It encompassed him. He would hear her say his name and he knew that was what he was. In a way, it grounded him. Her voice echoing his name was proof that he was real and that he existed.

It was all he had. Just his name. And Lucretia.

She always beckoned him to her side. He always tried his best to listen and keep up with her. There were days that, for whatever reason, he just couldn't grasp the things she said. He could barely understand the things anyone said, for that matter. It was like listening to a conversation in another language, every now and again someone saying a word that you vaguely understood. Davenport tried so hard to do his best for her. At first, she would get frustrated with him when he gave her those looks of confusion. She would turn away from him and growl with frustration. Then, so many times, she would cry. He didn't understand, but he would always touch her arm and smile at her.

It took her a long time before she could smile back. Davenport didn't understand, but he kept trying. Just like Lucretia did with him.

There were days when he felt incredibly lucid. He would spend these days staring at the sky, feeling the breeze and the world live around him. He would read, he would study, he would exist far beyond the boundaries of someone with just a name. The first time it happened, he tried his best to tell her something.

He approached her near the table she had her maps laid about. He waited for her to look up at him with a soft smile. “Hello, Davenport. I don't need you right now, you're free to do whatever you like.”

His throat felt hoarse and unfamiliar. He coughed and stuttered. But he managed to take a deep breath, and speak to her.

“L...Laven...Lucr...etia...”

The times when he was aware felt few and far between. It was like he was there one day, and then for a week he was watching himself from a place far away. Doing small things like saying her name, to saying full sentences, to remembering something from last week, eventually became easier. For all his efforts, Davenport still felt ultimately useless. He wanted to make Lucretia happy. He wanted to make her smile. That was all he wanted.

He remembered when they began constructing the bureau. It was some time after she had returned from a place in the forest. She refused to let him accompany her, claiming it was too dangerous. It was all he could do just to wait for her outside the entrance to the woods. Hours passed. Davenport felt exhausted with anxiety. He was losing his focus on the world and he knew it. But he had to wait for her. To trust her. And eventually, Lucretia returned. Exhausted. Aged. Crying. She had failed and she was screaming at herself. Davenport reached for her arm and smiled at her. It was all he could do.

Even then, he felt tears of his own. He couldn't remember ever having cried before then.

Months later, they both stood on the decoy moon base that became their home. Lucretia stood taller. She spoke with more strength and authority. She would say his name with more vigor and clap her hands when he called back. She even began to smile more.

Davenport was happy. Lucretia was happy. Something good was happening.

Then, the dreams started.

During those first years, Davenport never dreamed. He knew about dreams, understood what they were, but couldn't remember ever having them. But now, they were vivid. He could understand every word. He felt every sensation, every emotion that they carried, but he could never see the faces. They just wouldn't appear. The harder he tried to remember, the more lucidity he would lose.

He began to enjoy the dreams.

 

_Davenport was being led by a tight grip on his arm, someone rushing him to the other end of the hallway. They were laughing quietly, as though they were trying not to be heard. They couldn't contain themselves – this was highly irregular! “C'mon, Dav! Move that ass of yours!”_

“ ______ wait! We can't get caught!”_

“ _Well what the hell's anyone gonna do?_ Fire _us? Shit man, grow a pair!”_

_They were in a room with a long window. They were laughing together now. Davenport looked at _____ and smiled. They held hands. They-_

 

He'd wake up with tears in his eyes and he never knew why.

He didn't know the person in his dreams. He never spoke to anyone except Lucretia. No one ever spoke to him either, for that matter. Lucretia began hiring people to help her in her work and none of them would speak to him. Not that he could understand them. He would just smile and wave at them, saying the only word he could whenever they spoke to him.

More months passed. Lucretia started crying again. Nothing Davenport could do would ease her tears. He would smile at her and say her name and try his best, the best he had ever done! He would spend every second of lucidity he had on trying to make her smile.

She would just look at him with tears in her eyes. Davenport would wipe them away and keep trying his best. He didn't understand, but by god he wanted to more than anything. He just kept trying.

Davenport remembered when they found the second voidfish in the tank. Lucretia smiled again. He didn't understand, but he was happy.

 

_Davenport was lying on the sand. The sun was almost fully set as he held the bottle of wine out to _____, who happily took it with a wink. Davenport watched him take a drink and just stared at him with a smile. Times like these were few recently, they hardly had any time just to themselves that wasn't spent in the dead of night or during the end of the world. Now? They could just be together. _____ grinned at him with that big dorky grin of his. God, he loved that grin. It made him feel like maybe home wasn't so far away after all._

 

Lucretia was fast at work once again. She had new energy, new vigor. It was good to see her busy again, distracted with working and surrounded by parchment piles everywhere. Davenport, again, helped when he could. He came when she called his name. All he wanted was to hear her say it. All he wanted was to see her smile at him. It meant he was being useful, that he was doing his best again. Even when he couldn't understand the words, he could see her eyes, hear her voice. That softness and familiarity and his name. It was all he had. It was all he needed.

 

_Davenport was dying. He felt his lifeblood slipping from his chest and from his mouth. There was fire and darkness all over him. This wasn't the first time this happened. He looked up and saw the glint of something silver and bright shine up through the black and moving sky, and he felt an ease wash over him. It wouldn't be too long now. He turned his gaze down beside him at the man lying next to him. _____ was dying, too. Yet, they both smiled. They held each other's hands. They both closed their eyes._

 

The entire base was in a panic. Or, was it excitement? People were talking quickly and running about in a dizzying display. Lucretia stood tall and regal as always, but Davenport could sense the eagerness underneath the regalia. He was excited, too. He didn't understand why, but it was all infectious. He swore that he saw Lucretia smile once earlier. It made him happy.

The orc woman walked into the room and spoke to Lucretia quickly. Davenport saw her fingers twitch with excitement and impatience. He began to feel nervous. God, he wished he could understand them! He wished they could talk to him! He wished he could try harder. He just smiled.

That was when Davenport saw him. He walked into the room with two other men. They all spoke to Lucretia and barely paid him any attention, but Davenport was already lost.

 

_They laid together. There was something to be said about the comfortable silence they could have on nights like these. They could just lay there and face one another and smile together. There were so many years recently where Davenport was worried _____ wasn't coming back to life, so many years he had to watch him die while talking to the ______. They relished these moments where they could pretend this was their life._

______ laughed and pushed some hair out of Davenport's face. “A guy could get used to this, ya know?”_

_Davenport sighed with contentment. “I guess that's the thing about living this long, _____. We've got time to do that.”_

 

_\----_

Davenport awoke with a start, panting as he sat up in bed. He ran a hand over his face and tried to calm his breathing. Another nightmare. They happened so often these days that he was used to waking up in a cold sweat by now and had stopped wearing shirts to bed. He propped his knees up and leaned into his arms, taking deep breaths and closing his eyes. It was just a nightmare. Davenport tried to ground himself. Where was he? Where was Lucretia?

“Dav?”

He jolted up and stared beside him.

“Hey buddy, had another one?”

Merle. Davenport inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. He closed his eyes and nodded, placing a hand over his mouth.

Merle sat up beside him and put his arm around the gnome's shoulders. “Hey, hey. Everything's good here, yeah? I'm here with ya, you can hear everything I'm saying, alright?”

Davenport blinked and looked at him. He could understand everything he said. He swallowed hard. “Y...y-yeah, Merle. Everything's good. Just...you know.”

With an understanding nod, Merle threw off the covers and stood off the bed with a loud groan and the usual cracking joints. He yawned and reached for his wooden arm off the beside table. “Might as well get some coffee runnin'. Kids'll be up soon.”

Merle was stopped by a hand gently grabbing his arm. He turned and saw Davenport smiling at him.

“H-hey, Merle? Think we...we could just...lie here for a bit? Just, you know. Don't gotta talk.”

They just looked at one another for a moment. The sun was barely cresting the horizon outside and the dimness cast a warm aura over the room as Merle smiled at him and made his way back into the bed.

Time was slow. They just laid together in silence. Merle would laugh and hold Davenport's hand, just looking at him with such a warmness that had never stopped burning for over a hundred years.

Davenport would smile at him. All he wanted was to do his best. All he wanted was to be here. All he wanted was this.

This wasn't all that Davenport had, but it was all that he needed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of emotions about Davenport and a lot of emotions about him and his husband. Also, it's totally okay to belt out a short fic at 5am right after finishing one thats emotionally draining.
> 
> Please let these boys get married.


End file.
